What I Learnt From Being In An Abusive Relationship

To most I might seem like a well rounded smart girl who knows what she wants in life and on the whole, that’s pretty true.

Aside from once a month when Mother Nature turns me into a raging lunatic I’m actually pretty sane.

But here’s the thing about abusive relationships – you don’t have to be a crazy person to enter into them.

You can come from a loving family home, have good grades, a decent job and heaps of friends but none of that stops you from doing what most of us yearn for in a lifetime.

To fall in love.

And that’s exactly what I did. 18 going on 34, I thought I knew it all. I’d heard about his bad boy reputation and yet I still chose to delve into the darkness and endure a two year mess that would set me on the path to falling out with my parents for quite some time. You see the thing about self esteem is, as much as it can be built up, it can be torn down.

And over time that is exactly what happened.

So I forgave him each time he slept with someone else.
I forgave him when he put his fist through my car windscreen whilst I was driving.
I forgave him when he split my lip.
I forgave him when he ruined my 19th birthday by putting a pint glass in someone’s face.
And I forgave him when he landed himself in prison.

And in all honestly I forgive him for all of the above even now because doing so meant I could move forward.

But with every part of our lives, good or bad, we can choose to take the lesson from it no matter how painful and confronting it might be.

So here’s what I learnt:

1) Drugs will destroy a person. NO EXCEPTIONS.
2) Mental abuse hurts just as much as physical abuse. Sometimes more.
3) No matter how long ago a trauma occurred or how deep down you bury it, there will be times it will resurface. You owe it to yourself to face it head on and not let it beat you.
4) Parents, family, friends; they can only do so much for you in a time of need. The rest is up to you.
5) A negative period in your life does not shape your entire existence.
6) Your darkest, ugliest moments make you stronger, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
7) You can’t change a person, even when you love them.

Life isn’t always smooth sailing filled with Nutella binges and Channing Tatum’s bare arse (you’re welcome for that thought btw!) but it is your life.

So what are you gonna do with it? Who are you gonna be regardless of what obstacles come your way?

Fucking awesome that’s who.


8 comments so far.

8 responses to “What I Learnt From Being In An Abusive Relationship”

  1. Sita says:

    I have so much respect for you and your blog Emma! Great Post!
    We so need to collab again soon 🙂

  2. OH babe, that is hideous – what a monster! I was fortunate to never actually be physically hit by one of my exes (he did grab me and shake me while I was sobbing once), but he definitely took his anger out verbally and physically with inanimate objects. He would lose it at me for absolutely no reason (a reason I now know was drug abuse), and he had emotionally abused me so much that I didn’t know where to go or what I would do if I didn’t have him.

    I don’t understand how people can be so bloody horrible, and it hurts to know that it happens to good people

    • emmalouise says:

      Emotional abuse is just as terrible – the control another person can impose on you in a negative way is awful. You start to doubt your own thoughts and feelings like you said and feel trapped! Thanks for sharing your experience too 🙂

  3. You’re amazing!! To have gone through all the feels and share it to help others is remarkable. Big hugs that part of your life is over. Cheers to a healthy, vibrant, fun, gorgeous Channing lookalike type love interest in your future x

    • emmalouise says:

      Oh Jo how lovely of you to say! I’m so proud bloggers have a platform to share their experiences and hopefully offer some comfort to others in doing so 🙂 x

  4. Emma says:

    Hello lovely I went through something very similar from the age of 15 until 18 no drugs involved just a sad individual that as I grew older and maybe a little bit wiser couldn’t handle losing control of me. He’d hit me if I spoke to somebody he didn’t know and they happened to be male. He verbally abused and mentally abused me forced me to do things I didn’t want to do and all that because he was weak and twisted. He slept around and made me think I was mad when I confronted him about it. Even his parents told me to leave him bit I didn’t until I was ready and found the strength. To this day, 22 years on it still affects me although less and less over time. I too came from a happy family with no violence but still stayed.in the relationship because I loved him. You live and learn but I don’t think these kind of people ever learn or change. I saw this person about 12 years ago so approx 10 years after and he denied pretty much all of it! He’s now married with kids and probably still doing the same thing still. I try to focus on all the people who have come and gone through my life and left positive happy memories there are for more good than bad thankfully. Xxx

    • emmalouise says:

      Hello Emma, thank you for sharing your story too… I totally agree and believe that once a person has the audacity to do something like this it’s ingrained in their soul. I honestly think some of the choices and ways I behave in my current relationship are as a result of my bad experience. Trust is somewhat of an issue I have for sure. I think the best we can do is share what we’re comfortable with sharing, lead by example and still let love in. Really appreciate your comment 🙂 xx

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