2. Bridget Jones ate carbs AND married Mark Darcy. So yeah.
3. Easter is hell.
4. Christmas is hell.
5. Monday is hell.
6. The guilt that ensues if you slip up and eat something you “shouldn’t” makes you want to chew your own arm off. You know what I’m talking about babes, that “I want to kill myself because I’m such a whale and not worthy of love and no one is ever going to marry me because I broke my own rules and FFS why am I just so shit at life?!” feeling. Yep, that feeling
7. You are annoying. A-NNOY-ING! So you refused dessert last weekend? Big deal, I finished off my boyfriends. OK well I ordered two and said that one was for him. Same same.
9. Licking kale off a naked body doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as cream *Sorry Mum*
10. Family size Nutella.
11. Forbidding yourself from having something makes you want it more and thus, the increased likelihood it will end up in your mouth. Wait a minute… “I FORBID MYSELF FROM EVER EATING CHANNING TATUM!!” Worth a shot.
12. Every diet starter pack comes with a soap box which you can use to tell the world about the diet expert you have become. Please refer back to reason 7.
13. You become the person who doesn’t order fries but then has one (handful) of your friends. That’s a great way to lose a finger bitch.
14. I can think of no diets that include wine. I need wine. Even Jesus drank wine.
15. Nutella on Channing Tatum. Don’t say you wouldn’t…
16. Sometimes you just need that tub of ice-cream and an apple ain’t gonna cut it. Because life. And periods. And breakups.
17. Cheese platters are fucking awesome.
18. Going out for dinner and pointing out the sugar/gluten/dairy/air that your friend next to you is eating and the damage it’s doing isn’t cool. This person is likely to be punched. Don’t be that person.
19. Because the world is the sickest and heaviest it’s ever been and telling someone how they should eat is half the problem. Don’t set them up for failure by barking orders. Instead engage, nurture and inspire people to tune into their own bodies and make the right decisions for them. Because on occasion that may include chocolate, AMIRIGHT?!
*Nutella have in no way endorsed or sponsored this post, I just have an obsession with Nutella. Don’t we all?*