26 Things I’ve Come To Realise This Past Decade

So I totally turned 29 last week and like, have gotten all wise and stuff. Here’s 26 things I’ve come to realise this past decade…

  1. My phone plan never includes enough data. Ever.
  2. A sassy new shade of lip gloss and a gust of wind make for a very bad combination indeed.
  3. 13 years on and I still can’t drink Malibu because it reminds me of that time 16 year old Emma almost died. Mainly from drunken shame.
  4. I don’t understand the male sex.
  5. Over 400 songs on iTunes and I’ll still rinse the same 1 to the point of my eardrums bleeding.
  6. Living in an apartment means gaining a thorough understanding into your neighbours sex life and how loudly they orgasm. He’s definitely doing something right…
  7. People will ask when you’re having a baby as if the expiry date of your ovaries is fast approaching.
  8. I recover from minor surgery quicker than I do a hangover.
  9. Taking care of your body is super important. Regular pap smears, foam rolling and taking off your make up are a must ladies.
  10. 90% of my meals involve some kind of spillage. If Gucci made adult bibs…
  11. No one’s opinion of you matters more than your own.
  12. Playground like behaviour can occur in adult life. The only difference is you have the common sense to walk away from it instead of crying to your Mum about the girl who said you looked fat in some dress you wore one time.
  13. Regret can be a smell.
  14. Experiences over things. Every time.
  15. Poking yourself in the eye with the mascara brush is hell.
  16. Happiness isn’t always 2.4 kids.
  17. I am not responsible enough to take care of plants.
  18. I genuinely think we only use a certain amount of our brain capacity because we aren’t ready to know it all. And that includes understanding boys.
  19. A common goal can trump the odds.
  20. Being quiet most certainly does not mean being shy.
  21. Books are made for paper, not for a screen.
  22. My left boob will always be that little bit smaller.
  23. The elder generation fall into one of two categories. The sweet grandparents who feed you too many biscuits and play scrabble with their besties or the over cautious motorists who halt at every roundabout. When there are no other cars. For the love of Christ.
  24. Many an hour can be spent on social media achieving nothing other than insane jealousy of a person’s life you wouldn’t have even thought about were it not for the fact she just posted an epic picture of eggs on toast. And me want.
  25. I’m yet to use the formula for pie and doubt I ever will.
  26. If some of the cork breaks off into the wine bottle never fear, a sieve is the answer to all your problems. You’re welcome.

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