26 Things A Foodie Will Understand

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After tucking into not one, not two, not three, four or even five of my co-workers lunch last week at work it suddenly dawned on me; I am quite the foodie….

  1. That feeling you get when two bars of chocolate fall down in the vending machine and you only paid for one. F*cking result!
  2. That moment your waiter approaches the table with your meal. Best.
  3. That moment your waiter approaches your table and it’s not your meal. Worst.
  4. The fight to the death over the odd slice of pizza. May the best man win.
  5. Seeing the word “buffet” on a party invite. Shit’s about to go down.
  6. The sheer frustration of a “hangover appetite”. I want a sausage and egg McMuffin, I now feel sick after said sausage and egg McMuffin, but I really want a hash brown, or do I want two hash browns? FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!
  7. The perfect chip; crunchy on the outside, soft on the in. Come to me.
  8. Someone touching your food. Whilst you’re still eating. They will die.
  9. Carb on carb or as I like to call it, soft porn.
  10. Cracking an egg and getting a double yolk. Score!
  11. A sugar hangover #thesugarcomaofdeath
  12. The appreciation towards your Mum’s roast dinner or lasagne or stew or any dam home cooked meal.
  13. Eating Nutella straight from the jar. Enough said.
  14. How naughty breaking your diet feels.
  15. The excitement that working in a big office brings. Countless birthday cakes and co workers lunches to pick at –  you beauty!
  16. Ordering something new from the menu and it tasting shit. The price you pay for living on the edge.
  17. Hanger. It is a real and extremely dangerous. Handle with care.
  18. The sheer art that comes with applying a piece of each food group to ones fork in order to create the perfect mouthful. This is no skill that can be taught; it is a gift.
  19. Healthy food pretending to be something it’s not. You make me angry cauliflower mash!
  20. Wondering how MacDonald’s get their eggs to be so perfectly rounded?! And then feeling like a tit when you find out.
  21. Mastering the skill of drinking just enough so you can eat that bit more at a fancy restaurant dinner but not too much you vomit in your bag on an empty stomach. It took me a few tries.
  22. Handing over $2000 for a choc bomb and popcorn combo meal at the movies, jaw clenched, fully aware it just wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t. Fuck you mark ups.
  23. People staring at your food whilst you’re eating. Not cool.
  24. Thinking about what you’ll have for lunch whilst eating breakfast, what you’ll have for dinner whilst eating lunch and so on and so forth. Some would call this obsession, I call it good sense.
  25. Crumbs. In your bed.
  26. Spilling red wine on your fresh sheets whilst writing a list about foodies. Oh what… just me then?? Awks.
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