1) Sex up against the wall or window or in the shower is easy. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Or your vagina for that matter because you spend half the time putting it back in or getting leg cramp.
2) It’s possible to arise the next morning looking like the Greek Goddess of Beauty, Aphrodite. Reality proves it’s more like that one who had snakes for hair and turned people to stone.
3) We can rescue the bad boy and make him realise we’re his long lost love, all with the flick of our eyelashes. More like you’ll sleep with him and catch chlamydia. Oh the joys.
4) We too can have an ape or killer whale as a best friend and go on to defeat the odds together. Did you know Free Willy was predominately played by a robot? Total betrayal Warner Bros.
5) The mean girl always gets what’s coming to her and becomes a better person. People like this never change and as they get older, develop an appetite for small children.
6) Couples fall asleep snuggling and wake up in the same position. I wake up to the BF’s farts.
7) Men with long hair can be hot. It would appear Thor and Archilles are isolated cases ladies. Guys, grease and dandruff are not acceptable. Neither is left over food in and around your beard. Ew.
8) The best way to escape a serial killer who invades your home is by running up the stairs to a dead end room. For the love of God will someone use the front door and run to a neighbours house!!!!
9) The smartest way to kill said serial killer is by stabbing him in a finger or some other non main artery that would stop them in their tracks and give you the chance you need.
10) You can pick up your phone, dial a number AND have the other person pick up all in the space of 1.5 seconds. Artificial Intelligence will be next.
11) Driving straight requires you to move the steering wheel aggressively from left to right. Don’t try this at home kids.
12) Breaking down a door is as simple as throwing you and your shoulder at it. Have you tried this???? Please YouTube it if you do. Please.
13) Drinking coffee doesn’t require actual coffee. Just a cup and the arm motion to back it up. Who’d have thought?
14) Every gun comes with 100 bullets. Until you’re in an awkward situation and need to shoot an alien in the face.
15) Locked out and need to get in? Simple! Use a credit card.
16) Men can sing and dance at the same time. I thought they couldn’t multitask?? Hehe.