14 Things Periods Have Taught Me

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Let’s be real for a second; shredding your uterus lining is no laughing matter.

1) You can think you’re pregnant several times a year. “I’m three days late!!!! Wait…that night after dinner, did we use something???? FML I don’t think we did! I’m going to get fat, we’re not going to have enough money, i’m not going to be able to eat soft serve for 9 whole months!” 

2) Pregnancy tests are like, really expensive. And there is no way to take one without peeing on your hand.

3) White is not an option. Unless you’re living life on the edge and don’t mind the risk of looking like a hacked up teen from a Scream movie.

4) It’s all about the four C’s; cuddles and chocolate conquer cramps.

5) Sanitary towels are the adult equivalent to nappies. No wonder babies cry a lot.

6) Men cannot deal. Vagina + blood = slight mental breakdown.

7) Opening a tampon wrapper in a public bathroom sounds a lot like tucking into a bag of salt and vinegar Walkers. Awkward.

8) They come at the worst of times. Holiday approaching? Big date? You can bet your swollen boobs it’s a’flowing!

9) Swimming becomes a carefully co-ordinated event with regular interval check ins to make sure the string isn’t hanging out.

10) No matter how old you get there is always that one wardrobe fatality. RIP skinny jeans. You lived a good life.

11) Spots and pimples. They like to join the party and make you feel even more spectacular about life.

12) Toilet paper makeshift pads. Nobody talks about it but it happens. We’ll be making balloon animals next…

13) You can be a bitch. Enough said.

14) Cravings must be addressed accordingly in a timely fashion. Luckily calories don’t count during this time. Honestly.

Being a woman is ace sometimes huh?

 

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