23 Things You Learn When You Train At A Martial Arts Gym

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1) A skipping rope is going to whip you time and time again. Usually in the exact same bloody place.

2) You are going to touch someones private parts. A boob, penis or vagina; there’s no escaping it people.

3) Someone is going to miss the pad and punch you in the face. Hard.

4) Your hands are going to STINK!

5) You’ll have to partner up with a leftie and will become more confused than that time you tried to learn the amount of points for each food at Weight Watchers.

6) Sweat will be eaten. By you. Yes someone else’s sweat is going to go into your mouth and eyes. All the sweat. Sweat, sweat, sweat.

7) No, BO is not acceptable in the 21st Century but yes, you are going to smell a lot of it.

8) You’ll nail that tricky combo only to fuck it up as soon as your trainer walks by. Every time.

9) Some twit in sparring is going to miss the whole point of it and make it their life’s mission to annihilate you. Abort, ABORT!

10) Pink, purple, bright orange and even polka dot; mouth-guards will never be sexy. Ever.

11) Your mascara will run ladies.

12) Actually don’t bother with the make up at all, your face has melted off come the end of a session.

13) A cup won’t make a huge difference for a man. If he’s hit in the janglies then he’s going down. Poor lad.

14) Shadow boxing – fake it till you make it.

15) A decent sports bra is mandatory for two reasons. One, it hurts when they hit your chin. Two, it’s awkward for all involved when a nipple pops out mid combo.

16) Friends look so normal outside of the gym in their regular clothes and with hair that doesn’t make them look homeless.

17) Late nights and early mornings become a staple.

18) You can never have too many pairs of gloves but you’ll always have that one favourite. These will be the pair that stink.

19) You’ll realise how NOT flexible you are, surrounded by people that can kick higher than you. Like my boyfriend. Bit annoying.

20) Head gear is not your finest moment.

21) For 3 minutes you will attempt to destroy and outsmart your partner. Then that timer goes off and you have a laugh about how great they caught you with that shot to the ovaries.

22) No matter how you feel going into that session you walk out feeling like a badass!

23) There’s always one person with that weird breathing noise.

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