10 Of My Finest Moments
1) The time I let my gerbil out of its cage to play around on my bedroom floor. When I wanted to put Brownie away I had to move a drawer from underneath my bed to get to him aaaaaand ran over his tail with the wheel. Which then fell off. I genuinely thought I was going to hell for that one.
2) The time I finally booked my flight to Australia after 8 months of hard saving. As soon as the worry and stress of saving enough money in time had left my mind I was thinking the plane would crash on it’s way over. And no I wouldn’t have been the lone survivor and sold my story for millions.
3) The time our holiday plans changed to visit the UK and I convinced myself Tom would change his mind about going altogether. I’d get upset, a fight would be had and he’d book himself a solo trip to New York.
4) The time my boss looked at me differently. Turns out working is super tricky when you’re adamant you’re soon to be fired.
5) The time I wrote a blog post about the funny things that happen during sex and then I came across one similar from another blogger not so long after. That was a solid day of believing I would be black listed from the world of blogging.
6) The time I organised my Mum’s 50th birthday bash. Oh, my, fucking, god. Weeks and weeks of watching the (English) weather, waiting to hear if the sun would be out and telling myself people wouldn’t want to party in a marquee in the wet and wouldn’t show, she’d be deco, probably cry, I’d be the worst daughter EVER and traded in for a camel.
7) The time I went to collect my horse from the field. I could see him laying down in the distance as horses quite often do when they’re resting and convinced myself he was dead.
8) The time I moved in with my boyfriend. Once the initial excitement had worn off I tortured myself with thoughts of suddenly being made redundant and going to prison for not being able to pay the bills. PRISON?!?!?!?
9) The time I was sleeping in the living room and woke up to a bang that obviously, OBVIOUSLY had to be the ghost of an indian burial ground victim. Obviously.
10) The time my neighbour’s alarm system went off at 2am in the morning. I spent the next hour scoping out the neighbourhood from the safety of my bedroom window because I was convinced a burglar had set the alarm off as a distraction so that I would be forced to go outside and see what all of the commotion was about, leaving him free to wander into my bedroom and hide in the wardrobe. Then he would murder me.