What I’ve Come to Learn In My 20’s

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1) I will never be able to blow dry my hair as good as the hairdresser does.

2) No matter how many hours I spend doing food prep on a Sunday, come Tuesday after the gym I will be digging into left over spag bol in favour of a chicken salad.

3) Boys never grow up and will still be farting on you way into your thirties.

4) Size six ain’t gonna happen.

5) Having a good cry is totally acceptable and doesn’t make you a nut job. Everyone’s doing it. Who knew?

6) Sanitary towels are so not the way to go. Ever.

7) Vibrators are actually really expensive and confusing. Which button does what now?

8) Some days it just pays to say “fuck it!”, order that cheese on cheese pizza and wear your bf’s trackies. You deserve it.

9) Potatoes any which way are outstanding.

10) Wherever you go there’s always that one girl who hasn’t left the school yard.

11) I don’t understand the iCloud.

12) Free boobs is bliss.

13) Sex is not always like the movies. You rarely ever win the toilet-dash-before-it-falls-out race.

14) Telling myself i’m going on a diet results in an all out binge the night before. Sometimes there are casualties.

15) Red lip = classic. Red lip + dark eye shadow = prostitute.

16) Mum really did have my interest at heart all those times.

17) The novelty of buying clothes has worn off and been replaced with purchasing furniture.

18) Sports bras are not effective during sprints for anyone a C cup and over.

19) Your favourite childhood pop stars having babies makes you feel ridiculously old and depressed. I miss Justin’s fro.

20) Sometimes only a dog cuddle can hit the spot.

21) Going out hurts my feet and drunk people annoy me. Surely I wasn’t like that???

22) You see less of your friends now you’re all full time adults and yet you’re closer than ever.

23) The penis is ugly.

24) Our bits aren’t much better looking either.

25) You’re not going to get along with everyone and that’s OK; less people to share food with.

26) Happiness isn’t always a husband, two kids and a white picket fence.

27) Penciled eyebrows can go very badly.

28) An ugly personality ruins the best of looks.

29) You can love more than one person in a lifetime.

30) If I nail my 30’s like I have my 20’s, both the ups and downs, I’ll be a happy girl. 

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