No one’s perfect (that includes you missy).
Once upon a time I thought the phrase “Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars” had no meaning to me. I could never be the crazy nut other women can behave like. Or can I..?
1) You cry hysterically after you hear a song on an advert. The same song that was playing in “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” when Kate and Matthew finally do it in that shower scene. They’re like, totes falling in love right now!
2) It’s Valentines Day. You get all gooey and write a heartfelt message about your life spent together and how a future without him would be unbearable. He writes a joke about how he’ll try to fart less in the bed. You break the card over his head.
3) You ask if your new pants make you look slim and the response wasn’t exactly what you were hoping for. You spend the next 3 hours crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s proclaiming “A New Me” starts tomorrow. He still has no idea how you took “I’d do babe ya!” so terribly…
4) His phone goes off and it’s game time. How do you know them? Does she have a boyfriend? What do you mean you’re just friends? Surely i’d have heard of this friend? What’s her full name? Oh right. Yes i’m fine.
5) You ask “What are you thinking?” when you’re both in bed. Chances are it’s about his next fart.
6) You moan about your weight every single day but in an indirect way. You’re sneaky like that.
7) You bitch about Mercedes who “OMG, totally bags me out behind out behind my back and thinks I don’t know. She’s only doing it because she’s jealous and insecure with her own life. Carly agrees with me, she said so on Whatsapp”. The next day you’re tagged in at the movies with Mercedes – Sex and The City date with my biatch *kissy face emoticon x 5*
8) Say “I’m fine”. Translation: shit is about to get cray cray so you better run boy! *Note* See 4 above.
9) You order a piece of salmon and veggies for dinner (hold the potatoes and dressing) and then pick at said BF’s fries. I almost suffered a fatality doing this.
10) You try to cuddle for longer than 5 minutes after sex. He’s all for the obligatory snuggle but really he just wants to retreat to his side where he can scratch his balls and fart in peace.